Handicapped for Life

Everyone going through Divorcing A Psychopath needs others to keep them going and keep them on a positive track.  I’ve been lucky, and sought out these people, and I would not have made it this far without them.

I was working with my theta coach recently and she said something that I thought I should share.

I get so frustrated… no angry, that this the psychopath that I used to love, refuses to do what is right, what he is supposed to do, and continues to put his own self gratification before his kids or any responsibilities he has.

He doesn’t pay his child support; he doesn’t pay his bills; and he just filed bankruptcy.  I’ve struggled to take care of my kids without his help and now his creditors are coming after me too.  And this is only the financial side of his horrid behavior.

But to everyone on the outside that does not really know him, he appears to be this good-looking successful guy that dresses well, drives a nice car, lives in a nice house, and owns his own business.  When in reality, it’s all an appearance, and what lies underneath would scare Mother Teresa!

I had not seen my theta coach in a while and told her the recent updates of this nightmare of divorcing a psychopath.  I told her I get so angry that he has absolutely no sense of responsibility, and it feels like there is no accountability.  He still seems to get away with so much!

“He’s physically handicapped,” she said.

“What? No, he’s not.  He is a very able bodied person that pretends to be successful and just doesn’t want to work or do what he is supposed to do,” I said.  “Well, he is mentally handicapped.  He is wired differently and has no conscience so I truly believe he is mentally handicapped.”

“He is,” she said, ” but it’s harder for you to accept unless you see it as physical.”

I thought for a moment.  She was right.  I did have a harder time accepting it because it is not something I, or anyone else, can see as a physical disability.

I’m still expecting him to act and behave like a normal, full functioning human being, and he’s not.  He never will….  (Honestly, I’m not even sure he is human so how can I expect him to act like one.)

She went on, “you would not expect someone with a physical handicap to do all the same things that you can do.  You have to look at him as physically handicapped.  He will never think like you or act like you.  He can’t.  He IS mentally handicapped and he will never get better.”

I sat thinking that she is completely right.  Why did I not think of it that way?

Probably because I just think of him as the complete narcissist abusive jerk that finds joy in tormenting me and others.  WAIT!… But am I supposed to feel sorry for this person?

“No.  Don’t feel sorry for him, and it’s good that you’ve gone through the anger.  You need the anger to get through it, but until you accept that he is handicapped and is unable to do what he should, you will continue to expect to get blood out of a turnip as they say.  You can’t get someone to do the right thing and be a decent human being, when they don’t even know what that means and they don’t have the capacity to understand it.”

That’s true and I understand it, but I’m human and I’m still working on the accepting it part…

Maybe I should just picture him with half his brain sticking out and that will help me remember.  Who am I kidding, 1/2 a brain is all he has!