Shock and Disbelief

I had just put my 2 and 4 year olds down for a nap and was going to look online for a trip for our 15th wedding anniversary.

My laptop had crashed earlier that week and my husband reluctantly loaned me his old laptop just before going on his business trip the day before.

I pulled up gmail to search for the travel promotion I had seen a few days before.

We have a business together and get a lot of the same email so I didn’t realize at first that because it was his laptop, gmail automatically pulled up his email account.  Our email addresses are only one letter different so I didn’t even notice.

As I’m looking for the travel email, a chat message comes up.

I was confused at first.  I’ve never used google chat before and wasn’t sure what it was.  Then I realized it was X (my husband) on his other laptop chatting with another woman.

I was watching their flirtatious chat come in line by line in real time.

What the hell is this?  Who is she?  I can’t believe he is doing this.  I’ve trusted him!  We have two small children sleeping upstairs and he’s flirting with some woman.

I started searching to see if I could find out who she was.  I found previous chats he had with her saved in his email account.

I started reading and my jaw literally dropped.

He’s bragging to her about how many people he has been with, how to be careful with handcuffs so you don’t leave any evidence and to ask him how he knows.

Their chats talk about how his friend introduced them to entice her into a 3 way with the two of them because his friend has wanted to sleep with her for 20 years.

I learn that she lives in the Dallas area, is married with a daughter about the same age as my kids but despises her husband and has had a “collection of men” that she’s been accumulating since college.

They talk about how great X is, how sexy he is, how good a father and husband and businessman he is.

They talk about X’s expensive guy trips he has been going on for the last few years and how he and all of his guy friends get women and discuss some of the things they do.

She knows all of the guys in his group because she is in some of the same social circles and claims to have turned down many of their advances over the years.

They talk about how he and his friend “RJ” frequently find a woman and do what ever they want with her.

She says she isn’t interested in joining them in a threesome because she won’t step outside her marriage but would love to sit in the shadows to watch the next time they take advantage of some unsuspecting woman.

I wanted to throw up!  I felt like I had been hit by a 2×4.  This is not my life!  This can NOT be my life!

We had been together 20 years!  I had put up with his Jekyll and Hyde personality and his criticism but I thought he knew the line you are not supposed to cross.

I thought we had a better, closer relationship than that.  I thought this person loved me…. How can he hurt me like that?

I called him…